Worthless
by rYazUKi
Summary: "When we kill, we lose our humanity. We lose everything we've ever worked for. We become what the Capitol turns us into. Machines. Heartless, brainless, and soulless" summary inside. Rated T cause of depressing thought and cause the hunger games is...


**Ha. This was done during history as well. Probably a one-shot, but if I think of more characters, I'll add another chapter possibly. So- summary. Katniss is reminiscing all her losses in the hunger games and how pointless it was that after all she went through, Prim still died.**

**In case you don't get it:**

**I : Katniss**

**(In the beginning) her : Prim  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own the brilliance that is the Hunger Games. Suzanne Collins does... * sigh ***

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**My life was worthless, pointless. Everything I'd worked for, everything I lost, it was for nothing. All my life, I had tried protecting her. Everything I did in my entire life, I did for her. I killed. I took another human life. Those faces haunt me in my sleep. Their family haunts me. They were people too. What must have they felt in their last few moments? What were their thoughts? What were their family's as they saw them die violently. They must have hated me. I hate myself. Hate is a strong word, but not strong enough to describe the enormity of my feelings. I despise me. I despise what I have become.

Marvel. My first true kill. The boy from district 1, whose name I didn't know until the end of the games. Killing him felt so good, like I was avenging Rue's death. That was the worst part. I'm turning into my worst nightmare. The Capitol. They are turning us into one of them. When we lose feeling for those we kill, we lose our humanity. They turn us into machines, with no heart, no brain, and no soul. They turn us into them. It is not our fault, it is the Capitol's. They are trying to turn us all into monsters. But, as Peeta said on that day on the roof, so long ago, we are more than just a piece in their games.

Glimmer and the girl from 4. How horrible is it that I don't even know her name? Glimmer, the girl whho, in my mind, was just a pretty face. But she must have been so much more. She must have had a family. She must have had a life. What about that girl from 4. To me, she was nothing more than an empty figure. That is what frightens me most. I didn't know or care about her. To me, she barely existed. But what was she to others? Did she have a boy back home, who, this very second, was crying for her? Did she have a family who cared about her? Even the careers must have had lives. The Capitol has taken that away from us.

Clove. I wanted her to die. I prayed at night that she would die. She wanted to kill me, and I hated her. But really, it wasn't her I hated. It was the Capitol, they did this to us. They turned us all against each other. United we stand, divided we fall. We fell, hard. But Clove, she just wanted to live, like the rest of us.

Foxface, from district 8. I didn't know her real name either. Neither I, nor anybody else, ever thought she would be of any real competition. But she lasted longer than most other tributes. Never underestimate an intellegent mind. With her brains and superior intellect, she probably knew what nightlock was. Peeta didn't kill her, she killed herself. She knew she was going to die, and she shoved that in the Capitols face. Foxface knew what they were turning her into, and refused to be a pawn to be directed. She would be her own person. Maybe I should have died. Maybe then Prim would still be alive. Maybe none of this would have happened. But then we would still be under the Capitol's control. It's a never ending cycle, a worthless and pointless one. We are just as terrifying and horrendous as the capitol. Most of us don't care about anybody but ourselves. So many people have died at my hands. We lost our humanity when the first child died in the very first hunger games.

Thresh. Big, brawny Thresh, who hid in the wheat field. Thresh, who saved my life from Clove when she was about to kill and torture me on live telivision. What happened to him? HE DIED. Why did I live and he died? He who could have easily left me to die, and then won the games? It's not fair. Nothing is fair. Life isn't fair. Life isn't worth living anymore.

And Rue. Dear, sweet, beloved Rue. Rue, the only one who gave me the will and inspiration to win the games. Rue, who, when asked what she loved most in the world, replied, of all things, music. Rue, my little bird girl, the true mockingjay. Tiny Rue, who died painfully at the hands of Marvel, when she should have lived to take care of her family, have her first love, and live. Do everything I wanted her to. Rue, who could jump from branch to branch, tree to tree, as easily as a bird. Rue, who saved my life the second night, without even knowing me. She trusted me because of my mockingjay pin. I am indebted to so many people - and how do I repay them? By allowing them to die, when it should have been me who died. That's my gift for them helping me. That's what you get for saving Katniss Everdeenn.

The crippled boy from 10, who joined the ccareers. The Capitol ruined his already horrible life. What they did to us is unforgivable. They have killed so many innocent children, hurt so many family's. They've scarred all of us who were in the hunger games for life. We will never recover. Those whom we have killed, whose blood has been spilled by our two hands, will not be forgotten by us, ever. We might be forgotten by others, but we will NEVER forget. At night, we wake up screaming and sobbing, only to awaken to an even worse reality. We are comforted by our loved ones, but even they can't take away the memories which plague us. Memories, they are such a fragile thing. Ask Peeta, he is still dizzy from the Capitol hijacking him. Our memories are the foundation for our life, but they have been destroyed.

Finnick Odair. Forced to puppet for the Capitol. To be their shallow boy-toy and prostitute. That's what they made him out to seem like. Just another pretty face, for sex and nothing more. Nothing inside him to truly love. But he was more than that. He was a true and loyal friend. He knew what it felt like to be judged by what you had outside, so he found out what was inside a person. The Capitol muttations killed him. Poor Annie Cresta. Pregnant with Finnick's child, she had already lost her mind to the games, how much more can she handle? She was a normal girl before this, but her mind has been taken from her.

The morphlings from 6. To what extent of despair must they have been driven to? Their only respite from the terrible days, and even worse nights, were drugs. Morphine. They lost the will to live, and could only survive by numbness. I wish I could be numb. Wish I could forget, but I can't. The howls haunt me. Moans and cries, bloody faces. Knives and bows, everything I have ever killed with. Everything I killed. Gale was not at all right. Killing an animal was different than a human. The execution the same, yet the guilt so much more. But I know I will never forget, because that is why I am human.

Johanna Mason. A beautiful, strong-willed, stubborn, yet bold girl. What had the Capitol done to her? It was a pleasure for them to break her. Even the most stubborn could eventually be broken by them. To them we were a challenge, us victors. We were the best of the best. The strongest. We truly had what it took to survive. But we are worse off than the losers. We seek whatever we want, and we can have it. Any material item is ours. But it doesn't help. Nothing can help us. Sometimes, death feels to be the only option. Then I remind myself that I am more than what the Capitol makes me. They took my family, they took everything, but they can't destroy me.

Beetee and Wiress. They tried to protect me. Wiress died, yet she solved the 75th hunger games. Tick tock. It was a clock. Beetee was the mastermind behind the revolution. But they didn't deserve what they had to go through to reach this stage. It made them both go crazy.

Mags. Old, sweet Mags, who volunteered in place of Annie Cresta, saving her life. She volunteered, though she knew that she would die. She sacrificed herself to save Peeta, even though she didn't know him. I love her for that. The hope of Peeta kept me alive those torturous days and nights. I know that without Peeta, my life would have been destroyed. I would not be here.

My mother. Although she wasn't truly in the games herself, she was forced to watch her first daughter go through not one, but two games. Her husband died, and her youngest daughter died in a bombing. She was forced to watch her life be destroyed, yet she is still kind. She is the very core of humanity. She is whom I look up to. Although she abandoned me, I cannot blame her. I would abandon me to. Anyone who cares about me is bound to be hurt, if not by me directly, by my reckless decisions. However much I say I hate her, I don't. She is my mother.

Gale. Gale, who killed Prim. Gale who loved me, but abandoned me once I chose Peeta. For so many nights, I lay awake thinking of him. How do I feel about him. First, he was my best friend, next I loved him, then I hated him. Now how do I feel. I feel indifferent. He helped my family, but in the end, it made no difference. He said he would go through everything with me, but abandoned me when I needed my best friend most of all. But, as I imagine what he had to go through during the games, I realize his perspective. He watched me, the girl he loved, almost be killed. He watched me kiss Peeta. After he found out it was an act, he thought he finally had a chance with me, but then, he realized how bad of a liar I truly am. I loved Peeta, and Gale never truly had a chance.

And Peeta. The boy with the bread. Willing to risk so much for a poor, starving girl from the Seam. Nobody in the town would even think about doing such a rebellious act, yet he actually did it. He saved me, Prim, and my mother. Though why he did it was a confusion to me, I now know. He loved me. The only person alive, right now, who still loves me. He shouldn't be alive. It goes against fate. Destiny and God want me to be alone, as torment for all I have done. I have caused so many innocents to die, and many more scarred. But he went against God. He went against them all **[A/N- even though it would completely kill the mood, I so want to add Chuck Norris here XD] **just to be with me. And that, to me, is the most sacrificial act possible. He tamed me. He brought my will to live back. Peeta, the boy who frosted cakes. The artist. His favorite color is sunset orange. I want to know everything about him. I want my life to be as normal as possible, however selfish that may seem. I want him. I need him. I love him.

Prim. Prim, who I entered the hunger games to save. Prim, who I went through all these details, just to save her from them. I was the mockingjay for her. I killed for her. I almost died for her. At the end, she still died as well. How worthless was everything? I did everything possible to save her, but destiny was against me again. They took her away from me. And for that, I don't believe there is a God anymore. How can God let such things happen. Prim was supposed to be a doctor, a healer, just like our mother. She was supposed to have everything I didn't. I wanted her to have everything I didn't. Even though we won over the Capitol, we still lost. Me most of all. All of us are losers in the game of war. When we kill people, nobody can ever win.

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**I have no idea why I wrote this. I was in a super depressed mood, so I wanted to write something depressing. Katniss must feel terrible, after all she's been through. **

**Please review? And if you want me to write her perspective on any other character, just write that in the review. Thanks a bunch! ;D  
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